My Journey Part 1:When it all began

My husband had recently started a new job working further away. His old company was bought out but they gave him 6 months notice. During those 6 months he went on job interviews, worked from home, went in late, came home early and did everything he could to help me out at home. His company closed it’s doors on Friday and he started his new job the next Monday. We were definitely very grateful and blessed. However I had become very spoiled. I was used to my husband being home ALOT. Now he was leaving early in the morning, spending at least an hour in horrible traffic, working a full day, and then spending at least another hour in horrible traffic coming home late in the evening. By the time he walked in the door he was cranky and tired. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and irritable because I was now having to do everything on my own all day. Don’t get me wrong he helped with the kids when he got home but by that time we were both in survival mode until we could fall into bed. It was a rough transitional period for us.

One particular day had been an extremely frustrating for me. I don’t remember the reasons now but I do remember the anger, frustration, exhaustion, and overwhelming emotions I had at that moment. I jumped onto the computer and logged onto a mommy forum I was a part of. In my journal I typed out all the reasons I was mad, angry, and frustrated with my husband in that moment. I logged out and continued to do what every stay at home mom does when she has young children. It was definitely a busy time in our lives. That night after the kids had gone to bed I jumped onto the computer to read everyone’s comments. I loved the comments! They all agreed my husband was insensitive, a jerk, clueless, etc. They all had my back. I shut down the computer and went up to bed with my husband as I held onto all those negative emotions.

The next day was a new day. The kids were behaving, took naps, and I was able to have a nice day. My husband had also expressed to me, as he often did how grateful he was for me. Acknowledging that things were rough but he appreciated everything I did for him and the kids. My spirits were high, until I logged onto my mommy group. I had even more comments about how horrible my husband was, just like every clueless man out there. My heart sank. I went back and read what I had wrote about my husband. I was embarrassed and shameful. I erased that journal entry along with the comments.

That was the moment for me when everything changed. I never again wanted to be that disrespectful or hateful to my husband. I knew I would have never treated him that way in person. I could put on a great act but it was my heart that needed to change. So began my journey to become the wife I wanted to be.

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12 thoughts on “My Journey Part 1:When it all began

  1. Kate,
    I love your honesty and the forthright way you share your story. We have all been there and know that what you desire is quiet surrender. Have you spoken to your husband about ttwd? Are you ready? Is he ready? Tell us the next part of your story. You will fit right into blogland.
    Meredith

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  2. I think you’re going to like it here. I know the comments would have been very different. I think we would have acknowledged your frustration, but we’d give your husband much more of a break and would probably have suggested you needed a good spanking! We fuss about husband here too – but it’s different. I think we all try to be much more respectful.

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    • That was the difference for me. It wasn’t just fussing it was the disrespect that was shameful to me. Ha I can’t even imagine what I would have done at that time if he had tried to put me in my place.

      Kate

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  3. PK sent me over. I enjoyed your story. BTW and hope you write another story for us soon.
    Welcome, enjoyed your post. It is easy to get caught up in husband bashing, Mind you, mine is not perfect and sometimes I feel less loving than other times, but he’s my sweetie.

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  4. It’s so easy to fall into that trap of complaining about your partner with sympathetic listeners! But yeah, all it does is reinforce negativity and put a wedge between you and your husband. Good for you for realizing it and deleting your post!!

    Welcome to blogland!!

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  5. Welcome to blogging! I know exactly what you mean about the mommy groups, I am part of three right now myself. What is amazing is that you did feel differently about it and understood what was wrong with it. I do love my mommy support groups, but sometimes while they can validate our feelings, it only pushes us to keep feeling that way without our Husbands ever knowing what they did wrong or without them even having a chance to change our minds. I’m glad you realized it and caught yourself. 🙂

    Hugs,
    -Emi

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  6. I love the honesty in this post, thank you for sharing your story 🙂 I think we have all been there from time to time. Good on you for deciding to turn things around.

    Hugs
    Roz

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