My husband had recently started a new job working further away. His old company was bought out but they gave him 6 months notice. During those 6 months he went on job interviews, worked from home, went in late, came home early and did everything he could to help me out at home. His company closed it’s doors on Friday and he started his new job the next Monday. We were definitely very grateful and blessed. However I had become very spoiled. I was used to my husband being home ALOT. Now he was leaving early in the morning, spending at least an hour in horrible traffic, working a full day, and then spending at least another hour in horrible traffic coming home late in the evening. By the time he walked in the door he was cranky and tired. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and irritable because I was now having to do everything on my own all day. Don’t get me wrong he helped with the kids when he got home but by that time we were both in survival mode until we could fall into bed. It was a rough transitional period for us.
One particular day had been an extremely frustrating for me. I don’t remember the reasons now but I do remember the anger, frustration, exhaustion, and overwhelming emotions I had at that moment. I jumped onto the computer and logged onto a mommy forum I was a part of. In my journal I typed out all the reasons I was mad, angry, and frustrated with my husband in that moment. I logged out and continued to do what every stay at home mom does when she has young children. It was definitely a busy time in our lives. That night after the kids had gone to bed I jumped onto the computer to read everyone’s comments. I loved the comments! They all agreed my husband was insensitive, a jerk, clueless, etc. They all had my back. I shut down the computer and went up to bed with my husband as I held onto all those negative emotions.
The next day was a new day. The kids were behaving, took naps, and I was able to have a nice day. My husband had also expressed to me, as he often did how grateful he was for me. Acknowledging that things were rough but he appreciated everything I did for him and the kids. My spirits were high, until I logged onto my mommy group. I had even more comments about how horrible my husband was, just like every clueless man out there. My heart sank. I went back and read what I had wrote about my husband. I was embarrassed and shameful. I erased that journal entry along with the comments.
That was the moment for me when everything changed. I never again wanted to be that disrespectful or hateful to my husband. I knew I would have never treated him that way in person. I could put on a great act but it was my heart that needed to change. So began my journey to become the wife I wanted to be.